Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Yesterday



Yesterday was fantastic.................
We volunteered at our local Christmas sharing program.
We arrived at 9 sharp in our clean, pressed, navy blue uniforms.
Make up done, hair in place, ready to help out.
Well my Lord.......11 hours later we were dirty, tired, freezing cold, with mascara
running down our faces.............................................................
It was fantastic...............
Every year our local food bank puts together Christmas hampers......
The hampers are awesome....... They contain everything from laundry soap to the all important dead bird. They even have gifts for the little ones.........It was heart warming.......next year we are going to get involved a bit earlier so we can help pack these boxes of love.......
When I made it home last night I flopped onto my sofa....cranked up the heating pad............and became a vegetable for a short while................
11 hours in the cold, on concrete isn't my ususal.....owwwwweeeeeeeee......then off to bed......my wee mind wouldn't shut off.....I hate that.....freakin hate that....
the day playing out over and over......the peoples faces....the mouse nest in one woman's trunk, the downcast eyes of some the the recipients, the lady wasted on crack,
some of these people have been in my ambulance before................................
The argument between a friend....she is Liberal.....I am conservative....
why do liberals think they are the only socially conscious people??????...........
That really pissed me off........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








The day went by..............I was tortured inside about food.......they fed us...
I ate....I ate lots.......and nowhere to purge...................................
It stayed in, and I do know my body needed it.......
How trivial it seems......how my thoughts were so contradictory to what we were doing..........providing food for the poor........................
I, who has food and money, thinking of how to get rid of the food in my belly....
what a fuck up......................

2 comments:

MelissaS said...

so complicated! i always try to tell myself about the poor. but that's not why we're restricting. is any of this about eating? (maybe it is, after a fact, because we restrict for so long that quite a bit of our thinking is about food.) but remember, you're hurt. not a fuck up. being gentle with ourselves helps in the "setting free" process, don't you think berating just keeps it going. forgive yourself and nurture that part of you that is hurting. oh, i sound so "together". hm, maybe i'll try this too!

Annie T said...

I'm really pleased you managed to keep the food in, but I know damned well how panic-sticken you can get wondering what the hell to do with it. I remember one situation for me like that - I ended up yomping across a ploughed field just before Christmas, mud thickening to my new boots, just so I could find a quiet place to throw. It's a horrible sensation.

I hope you have a great Christmas, Rachel, and 23rd Dec sounds a fantastic day for you. I hope you are quietly happy and proud of what you and your colleagues did.