Saturday, December 20, 2008

My Son


My middle child (my son) called last night to tell me he is coming home for Christmas a bit early.
I am ecstatic.
He is wondering (flailing) around in life right now.
He is 18 and a half years old, unemployed, and seemingly unmotivated.
He is a wonderful young man.
smart, sensitive, opinionated, and Gay.
Yes he is gay. my son came out to me when he was 16.....he cried, I believe out of relief, a secret no more.
I embraced him and let him know that I had always known....I have known since he was two years old. I just knew...........
I am completely fine with it. this "coming out" was something I patiently waited for.
My son is very tall, trim and handsome......he does have some mannerisms that are, shall we say effeminate.........If you had the least bit of "Gaydar" you would peg him off the bat.
I am hoping this extra time together will help me understand why he hasn't found a job yet, why he isnt out there enjoying his youth, why he is so content with just being........
I have promised myself not to come on like an old "FISHWIFE", or mother nag.
I want him to come to the gym with me.....I want him to hold his shoulders back and stand tall....I want him to find his niche.....a group of friends that will support his lifestyle, his sexuality, his dreams....
I want him to Live........not just be, but to live, taste the world, spring out of bed and go get it...................
I am hoping he will arrive before I get home from work...........I cant wait to see him, to hug him, to talk to him, to try to get inside his head.
He has only been away from home since September but it feels like a lifetime.....
sooooooooo exccccciiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttteeeeeed......

3 comments:

MelissaS said...

i have read this over and over and thought about it during the day. i was just like your son at his age --or at least as you describe him. i was so lost. dropped out of college FIVE times before getting the degree at 26. i didn't hold jobs very long. i didn't want to work. but somehow i pulled it together, finished school, got good jobs. and he will too. 18 is very young. do i sound like a know-it-all? i hope not. i just related so to how you described him. it sounds like you guys are going to have a great time. enjoy, enjoy.

me said...

agghhhh.....my son called last night and delayed his arrival another day......Today is the day..
My youngest is also excited to spend time with him...........

I have often wondered if he (my boy) has an ED.....I may broach that question to him.....should I?
I wish he was still three and I could take him in my arms and make everything okay.........I wish, I wish..........I guess I can still do that even though he towers over me................
And you are right......18 is young and not many of us have a clue what we are going to do with our lives (still figuring it out)....
I was preggers with him, my second child at his age........ahhh, talk about silly.........xoxox take care Melissa

MelissaS said...

hmm. what lives we've all had. i think you can ask your son anything, because you love him. my mom thought my anorexia was fabulous, and it killed me that no one made any comment about my diminishing self, my excessive drinking, etc. but this isn't about me (i've been reminiscing all day, for no reason. i don't usually do this. sober isn't always easy, eh?), i think it expresses love to show concern. i think kids want their parents to protect them and to worry about them -- no matter how old they are. but it is, of course, your call. good luck. and gave fun!