Friday, February 27, 2009


Waiting...
sometimes the waiting, the anticipation is more enjoyable than the actual day. (Event,goal,etc.)
Christmas for example.......I love the planning, the details, the build up, and then oooopppsss there it is....what a let down....
A goal weight........The projecting, the working, the dreaming of how it will feel, and then ooooooppppps there it is......Just another day...........
Raising your babies.....dreaming of them being grown.......yeah you guessed...oooops there it is.................grown children and a very empty nest..............
Your wedding.....all that planning...its just sick and then ooopps there it is.....

I think what I am slowly discovering is not to put so much emphasis on the future...
live in the day that is TODAY.........

I have a big party tonight and I have been planning for a few weeks what I will wear,
how much I will eat the day of the party, what I will weigh as I dance the night away, and today is the day and I am already disappointed.....I liked the wait...the planning...............you don't actually have to be with the people when thinking about the party......you don't have to actually be dressed and prettied up when planning for the party..............aggghhhh...now its here and I have to go.....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

My abs are hurting something fierce...especially the LUQ.....owweee.....
I think its from the new exercise my work partner taught me....I didn't think
it would work me this hard...
Work is work...three more 24's then a 5 day stretch off.....
I am so excited because I am getting a large income tax return next week....
After I pay all my bills I think I will buy a treadmill........I could increase my running without eyebrows being raised and perhaps my daughter would use it as well...
she is at a tender age and doesn't want to go to the gym because someone may see her...
I understand...I remember what girls could be like when I was young....

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Lowest weight since high school ...REACHED TODAY..................................
so freaking happy.............

Friday, February 20, 2009

I just finished a fantastic workout......
I feel so good....so strong.............
I can actually face the mirror when I lift the free weights and like what I see....
I know this is fleeting but I will enjoy it on an up day..........
I did not B/P today....another great thing....no sore eyes.....
no red puffy face.....I did eat......proud of it....healthy stuff only......
I wish I had more of these days.......
I will pray for more...

Thursday, February 19, 2009


I have been so out of routine, working in other towns on the ambulance trying to workout in motel rooms....what a challenge......I hate when we have to go out for meals........I never eat bread normally, but when we are on a wait....well bread bread and maybe pasta............all the company at my home is also disconcerting...
everyone needs to eat....and eat they do.....then they are hungry again.....and then again............I am still fretting about what I put in my gob 7 hours ago and they want to do it again..............

Well things are back to normal......workouts are back to normal....the quiet is back.........................

My daughter (21 yrs)called the other night and said..."I have something to tell you"
Well I nearly shit.......I am going to be a grandma I thought.........Oh Boy ..I need to brace myself................

"Mom Beyonce is coming......wanna go?"........my heart dropped and rose at the same time...........

YESSSSSSS....YEEEEESSSSSSSSS I want to go..................................I cried...

Now we have Beyonce on the 26th of March...then Britney on April 6th....sounds like a great way to welcome spring.............

I am not going to be a grandma yet............heart rises and fall at the same time...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Very good cleansing work out this evening..
I added a few more cardio minutes, and I added a few more reps to each set
of weights........
I had sweat just running off of me.........That's the whole idea right?

Tonight I am being a lazy mom...
I told my 18 year old son to make supper for himself and his sister...
this way I don't even have to look at food.......I did eat today....
all healthy, and I don't want to ruin a good day with a b/p.........
After the darlings eat and do the freaking dishes we will all cuddle up and watch
desperate housewives...(such a family show...lol)......then hopefully a good sleep with no ambulance calls........

Life is good today......
I am thankful.....

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Yeah.........we got a raise....only 5% but a raise never the less.....
I am grateful, because the recession is hitting close to home.........

I plan to buy a treadmill so I can work out at home and then people wont realize how much I work out......I am oh so sneaky............................

My sister was here for a 2x day visit with her hubby and all four kids....
Very busy noisy house for a while.....(a new puppy as well)....
I am now welcoming the silence.....its easier to think when its quiet......

I am now going to get myself ready for work......
I am much calmer after I got my house back in ORDER, and a good long sleep...
Thank you lord for NO CALLS in the night.......

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


My Boyfriend
He is a lovely man
He is a Dr.(CHIRO)
He is my rock
However he nearly had me laying on the floor crying yesterday......

He asked how much more weight I want to lose and I said 20lbs
He then said why not 40 lbs ...........

We do not live together so he has no idea what goes on in my secret bulimic life...................................

He has no idea.....I thank God I am old enough and secure enough to know that would probable kill me......I am tall....very tall...............and it hurts to hear him say that much would be good............

He is a frickin Dr(CHIRO).....................he obviously knows nothing about eating disorders and our strive for perfection.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Monday, February 2, 2009


Wow....what a night....I am reminded of why I choose this profession......
We were called to back up another crew at a code......
Man saved....doesnt happen often, but it does happen....
If you dont know CPR...learn it.....


Earlier in the night I was reminded why its a dangerous profession....
Found out after the fact, a previous patient is HIV and is HEP C positive...
I am sure I was gloved and careful?....I think I am sure?.....am I sure?.....
I will say a prayer for myself and the young woman...........................
What a night.......I need to sleep but I am to wound up and my yougest needs a ride to school soon>>>>>>>>>>>>.....So coffee and splenda it is.............and damn it I
wanted to go shopping for a new lay rug for my living room...............maybe tomorrow.....Now I am just jabbering...........over tired you see............