Wednesday, February 4, 2009


My Boyfriend
He is a lovely man
He is a Dr.(CHIRO)
He is my rock
However he nearly had me laying on the floor crying yesterday......

He asked how much more weight I want to lose and I said 20lbs
He then said why not 40 lbs ...........

We do not live together so he has no idea what goes on in my secret bulimic life...................................

He has no idea.....I thank God I am old enough and secure enough to know that would probable kill me......I am tall....very tall...............and it hurts to hear him say that much would be good............

He is a frickin Dr(CHIRO).....................he obviously knows nothing about eating disorders and our strive for perfection.......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

6 comments:

MelissaS said...

wait. i am confused. my sense has always been that you are underweight -- purging, exercising so much. i can not conceive that you need to lose any pounds? am i under the wrong impression.

i think of you often. i hope it's okay to say -- i don't always comment because i sometimes think you wouldn't want to hear what i would say, like give yourself a break and maybe you exercise excessively...

i've wondered if you're in therapy. of course i live in new york, so i think everyone should be in therapy. ...it might help you learn how to talk to your boyfriend about what's going on.

take good care. i hope you get back to me, if you can. i really do care!

me said...

It started off innocently.....
I was overweight....
I lost 50lbs, and looked great......
then it went farther as I couldnt seem to lose anymore............Then came the bouts of not eating........>>>>which led to binging and purging.......
I struggle to eat healthy, and I am always training for some event......I feel as though I am one of those people who will only do these behaviors a little bit longer/ or...just for another few more pounds.......20 more pounds would put me, for my height underweight.....
40 more would be a big no no................
The strangest part is my struggles with my sister who has been anorexic for 17 plus years.....she has tettered close to death so many times.......
she has been in and out of treatment........
I however think I can stop before its to late or to much......I know this sounds ridiculous, but I think I can.......................
The boyfriend........well, I know he has no idea how damaging his words can be........he is overwieght and I dont think he can fathom another forty pounds lost on me, and how devastating it would be.............

MelissaS said...

thank you for answering. do you think, perhaps, the boyfriend was being fastidious? perhaps he thought your "20" was way too much and threw out "40" to show you just how crazy 20 is? (i don't mean you are crazy. i couldn't think of another word.)

that's how it sounded to me. do you have any interest in asking him?

me said...

you pegged it.........
he thinks I am fine right now and I should just train and stop losing pounds.......
he said the forty to be as ridiculous as I was being....even though I will lose 20 more.....then thats it..........

me said...

and i do thank you for the comments.........
please never stop...its so nice to have people out there I can speak to with complete honesty.
Thank you.........

bookofsecret7 said...

i should slap your chiro for saying that, so many people are starting to lose thier bedside manors...lol