so much has happened.......
I travelled around my province on my 12 days off...
I visited family, shopped, ate good food...it was fantastic.....

at the end of holidays my daughter took me and my BFF to Britney spears and the pussy cat dolls.......what a show....it was one of the best stage shoes I have ever been to......

I kept up my work outs by swimming and Aqua size with the Blue hairs.....

My cousin had a beautiful baby girl on April 1st....9 pounds 13 oz.
Big baby.......miracle baby as my cousin had her cervix removed due to cancer...
she carried to term with the help of some well place stitches...........

When I arrived back home I painted my porch white............clean fresh white....
I have a very large porch and it looks great......I used red accent pieces for a splash of color...............

Life is there to live.....I choose to live.......I want to live the best life I can...

I did not stand on a scale once when tootling around........
I was tempted to drop by a Walmart and weigh but I resisted...............

When all is said and holidays over, I did not gain a pound, nor did I purge once...

no more...

No more purging....no freaking more....
I do love my teeth
my esophagus
my life

No more...
what I eat will stay in my stomach....

clean eating is what I need to continue
I do so well for so long then fall off my red wagon

No more....
Its crack down time....
I am my own mother
master
boss

Plateau Plateau Plateau
I sit at the same weight
month after month
I have to make the scale budge

It (the master scale) will move, one pound up, one pound down, but no actual action.
I have turned up the work outs......
I even flex my abs when I take time out for a movie, at the computer, or even driving my car....
Its so frustrating
I cant restrict anymore...I already have dizzy spells......
I am just stuck on my plateau waiting.....

There is one last place on my body that harbours fat.
My belly....my road map of life....
three babies lived in there....many surgeries happened there.....two husbands touched me there.....
I want it gone....the fat..the fat.....
I am thinking of seeing my surgeon.....I know its the easy way out but I didn't lose 60 pounds to still have a pot belly......
fricking frick.........

Last night at the gym I was taught how to do a double crunch..
Ouch...they leave a burn behind...
The treadmill at the gym is being repaired so I was forced to do more with weights..
I didn't think it would be as good as running and having sweat drip down my back, but it was.......I hurt everywhere..........its such a comforting hurt....

Went to bed early and was awakened by my pager.....aggghhhh
crawling out of bed to jump in the ambulance when it is 39below is not freaking fun..
my car groaned....I groaned......so cold...so very cold.....
when we finished up I cranked my electric blanket into over drive to warm me..........I do not tolerate the cold anymore......

Felt I needed to post this crap separately..........
WEIGHT........was up 6 pounds...I do know I am PMS and probable retaining water
but AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.....makes me uneasy....
This AM the glorious bitch of a scale says..."calm down, you are back to your current weight""""""......................Now I can relax............
Still no period, but at least the evil numbers are where the should be.......


I do realize this sounds ridiculous, but I cant seem to help it.....
I have real stuff going on and I am a slave to the scale and what I eat...
Oh what a world I have created for my self.....

If it was my daughter posting this shit I would be devastated and demand she love herself the way she is...............It would break my heart.......so why do I allow it??????????...........
Just ranting...may get a grip when my period starts...if it ever comes.......