new goal for summer of 2010

So long since I have posted.
I have been training with a new goal in mind.
Half marathon this summer.

I managed to complete a 10km this past summer and did it without much trouble so its time to make things a wee bit more challenging.

I recently purchased a Nike running chip....
I love it. It records all my runs, I think it will help me keep better track during this time of training.

I have keep off 50 of the 60lbs I lost.....
somehow 10 snuck back onto my body.
pisses me right off...............
no matter... I will torch it off with my increased kms.

Stomach feels flat
back muscles tight
I feel pretty good.

I put my scale in the garage
not much separation anxiety.

I will run my first 10 km July 19
I will finish even if I have to crawl
my left foot goes numb at the 5km mark, wonder what will happen at the 10 km.

Off to the pool, then strength training at 5:30.........

pic is at my daughters grade 7 overnight camp out
My ab muscles are killing me....on ab day they swell after exercise, but the next morning.......wow they feel tight and strong.....

Tonight is boot camp...another killer...I thought my legs were in shape....apparently I had been missing numerous muscles that the work out makes me painfully aware of......

The scale is a bitch.....I know I am putting on muscle and its heavier than fat, but the anxiety is awful when it reads *fat*.............

A co worker and I registered for a 10 km in July...it will be my first....I am comfortable with the 5km, and barely sweat so its time to challenge myself and make things harder.

My stroke in the pool feels strong......I love the feeling of gliding through the water....nothing in the world beats that.......

Soon my daughter will start summer holidays....I love it when a child can kick back and enjoy.....she loves tennis so I must make time to go and hit the ball with her.
She also loves to read (just like her mother) so I need to renew our library cards
and make sure she has access to all the books in the world.......

I am truly blessed and grateful for this life I have been given

In Canada winter and Spring are Night and Day...........
see my little car...I drove the required mini van for years (raising kids)
now I drive a little dinkie car, and I love it.

Boot Camp

It starts tonight...BOOT CAMP...
I am so hoping to learn some new stuff.
I need a change up in my routine so bad.

I have deemed June ab month...
I will do 5 ab exercises everyday for the month of June....

So now we have Swimming Monday, Wednesday, and Friday
Boot camp Tuesday, and Thursday
Abs everyday
Try to get three 5km runs in a week.

I think it will be tough, but very rewarding.

June >>>> The ab month.......

This month I will focus exclusively on my abs.
Yeah yeah I will continue to work my other parts, but June is AB month........
I have been running and swimming hard, but I need some focus on my core......

I also want to try to kick the dirty smoking habit....Its out of control...
my breathing in the pool and on my runs, is disgraceful......What a shame...
I am fit...fit...fit....and then after a good sweat I light up....sick sick sick...

B/P has become an issue again.....throat is so sore....muscles hurt.....I need to grab the reigns of the wild horse called "my Life"............................

Its the 30th....I will start today and as of the 1st its military w/o's

Not sure what is going on with my toes.....
Last night during my 5km run my toes in my left foot acted up....pain was awful, I ended up walking last km.
ususally they go numb and BOOM no pain.........

wish I had a foot massage man ready at the door when I arrive home all dusty and sweaty.

wow

I found this pic stunning, informative, and an inspiration to continue with my goals
the heavy one weighs 220lbs... the slim 120 lbs.

I am not friends with the scale this week.
I miss the feeling of my stomach being empty, flat, tight.
I understand that I am pms and I always feel like a pregnant yak this time of month.

I refuse to go back to my old habit of over eating.
this month has been poor, poor, poor.........

I need to get back on track....get my mojo back.

The death of my grandma made my internal dialogue turn on me....
instead of straight and narrow...it said "go ahead, eat it"....
"you poor thing, you lost grandma, eat more ice cream".........
I have to turn that pity party off and get back on track.......
the B/P has been at an all time high.....so not good...........

drunk

My best friend of 30 years (since grade 2) is a drunk.
I love her.
we have lived our lives always in touch, always close.
we had our first periods together.
Our babies together
Divorces together
Boyfriends together
ups.......
and way downs.
always together.

It upsets me to drop by at 5pm and hear the slur.....
see the confusion
watch the shoddy cover up

When we lived together she threw her cans out....
She hid her beer under her bed (warm beer yuck)

Her kids know "no other way"
we had serious talks many times over the years about this.....
she does good for awhile then right back at it

Its time for another talk
a long non judgemental talk
I pray for her
I love her

I am sure she is suffering from Wernickies Korsakoff syndrome

mothers day run....I ran for Grandma Sand........

Ran my second 5K.....
It was so interesting. The course was the same, but this time I whipped past all the spots I had to stop and walk last year. It felt good....a real pay off to getting fit.
The run was called "Mothers Day run for the Stollery children's hospital"
A cause near and dear to my heart as my own child had a tumour removed from her leg
in 2005 at the stollery.......

When running through the finish I saw my two daughters beaming with pride...
I could hear my father yelling "go Rachel"......
I loved it....I lived life to the fullest in those God given moments........

LAST YEAR and A BIT OF THIS YEAR

Last year I lost 55 lbs
I ran my first 5km run
I started swimming again
my boyfriend gave me a "shut up ring"
I adjusted the people I allow to be around me
I bought a new Car
I started blogging
I revamped my bedroom (new floor, paint, light fixture)
I did not drink any alcohol
I painted my daughters room purple (grape)
I had a good pap
I had a new bigger deck put on my house
I went to Britney Spears and the pussy cat dolls
I made more time for my eldest (daughter, lives on her own)
I became close to a new friend
I read hundreds of good books
I started worrying about my sons future
I purged way to much (once is to much)
I tanned too much
I watched my youngest go from a little girl to a young woman
I helped save a few lives
I watched a few people die

this year
I lost my Grandma
I gained a new cousin "Molly Ray"
I worked out in a new town, new pool, new gym
I said to hell with the politics at work
I went from to conservative to who the fuck knows....just no more conservative vote from me
I see my sister slowly dying of anorexia

so much has happened.......
I travelled around my province on my 12 days off...
I visited family, shopped, ate good food...it was fantastic.....

at the end of holidays my daughter took me and my BFF to Britney spears and the pussy cat dolls.......what a show....it was one of the best stage shoes I have ever been to......

I kept up my work outs by swimming and Aqua size with the Blue hairs.....

My cousin had a beautiful baby girl on April 1st....9 pounds 13 oz.
Big baby.......miracle baby as my cousin had her cervix removed due to cancer...
she carried to term with the help of some well place stitches...........

When I arrived back home I painted my porch white............clean fresh white....
I have a very large porch and it looks great......I used red accent pieces for a splash of color...............

Life is there to live.....I choose to live.......I want to live the best life I can...

I did not stand on a scale once when tootling around........
I was tempted to drop by a Walmart and weigh but I resisted...............

When all is said and holidays over, I did not gain a pound, nor did I purge once...

no more...

No more purging....no freaking more....
I do love my teeth
my esophagus
my life

No more...
what I eat will stay in my stomach....

clean eating is what I need to continue
I do so well for so long then fall off my red wagon

No more....
Its crack down time....
I am my own mother
master
boss

Plateau Plateau Plateau
I sit at the same weight
month after month
I have to make the scale budge

It (the master scale) will move, one pound up, one pound down, but no actual action.
I have turned up the work outs......
I even flex my abs when I take time out for a movie, at the computer, or even driving my car....
Its so frustrating
I cant restrict anymore...I already have dizzy spells......
I am just stuck on my plateau waiting.....

There is one last place on my body that harbours fat.
My belly....my road map of life....
three babies lived in there....many surgeries happened there.....two husbands touched me there.....
I want it gone....the fat..the fat.....
I am thinking of seeing my surgeon.....I know its the easy way out but I didn't lose 60 pounds to still have a pot belly......
fricking frick.........

Last night at the gym I was taught how to do a double crunch..
Ouch...they leave a burn behind...
The treadmill at the gym is being repaired so I was forced to do more with weights..
I didn't think it would be as good as running and having sweat drip down my back, but it was.......I hurt everywhere..........its such a comforting hurt....

Went to bed early and was awakened by my pager.....aggghhhh
crawling out of bed to jump in the ambulance when it is 39below is not freaking fun..
my car groaned....I groaned......so cold...so very cold.....
when we finished up I cranked my electric blanket into over drive to warm me..........I do not tolerate the cold anymore......

Felt I needed to post this crap separately..........
WEIGHT........was up 6 pounds...I do know I am PMS and probable retaining water
but AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH.....makes me uneasy....
This AM the glorious bitch of a scale says..."calm down, you are back to your current weight""""""......................Now I can relax............
Still no period, but at least the evil numbers are where the should be.......


I do realize this sounds ridiculous, but I cant seem to help it.....
I have real stuff going on and I am a slave to the scale and what I eat...
Oh what a world I have created for my self.....

If it was my daughter posting this shit I would be devastated and demand she love herself the way she is...............It would break my heart.......so why do I allow it??????????...........
Just ranting...may get a grip when my period starts...if it ever comes.......